The Madonna or the Whore: Portrayals of Women in Modern Television
by Colin Stallingsworth, Sigma Epsilon Chi
Not to sound too Jerry Seinfeld, but what is the deal with the portrayal of old women as whores on TV in the past few years? Back in the golden age of television, older women were always protrayed on TV as kind, saintly, motherly, grandmotherly, or lovably goofy. Women over the age of 35 only had two options for roles on TV: Sitcom mom or sitcom grandma. That was it, end of story. There were no other roles available for women on TV. Some have said to me, “But what about soap operas! There were all kinds of slutty, backstabbing bitches on soap operas.” Okay, I will grant to you that those shows may have actually existed, but they came on in the middle of the day while women were at home vacuuming. The vacuum drowned out most of the dirty parts, so no one was really paying attention.
Then, a few years back, a disturbing trend began. All over the television, shows began popping up showing older women with morally bankrupt views on sexuality. You had your “Sex and the City” and your “Desperate Housewives” and “Lipstick Jungle” and “Cashmere Mafia.” The list goes on ad infinitum. And what do all of these shows have in common? That’s right: old ladies fucking. Hey, America! You wanna see your grandma making out with the hot young gardener? Turn to channel 4 to see Terri Hatcher’s melting face and man hands clutching onto some young actor’s toned abs. You wanna see your great aunt making out with a couple of young pop stars? Flip over to MTV to see Madonna tongue-kissing Britney and Christina at the Video Music Awards. You wanna listen to your other grandma describe her lover’s penis in detail and then watch her take off her top to reveal her spotty old boobs? Good news! “Sex and the City” starring Kim Catrall is out on DVD!
This trend actually has it roots in a few shows that came on TV when I was a kid. First, there was the character of Mona on “Who’s The Boss?” Now, I was pretty young when this show was on, but even I remember thinking, “Why are network execs trying to convince me that this withered old Skeletor with red hair is sexy? What’s their agenda?” And then, one year later we saw the release of “The Golden Girls.” 75% of the old ladies featured on this program were just good, clean television fun. But then there was the character of Blanche, the aging Southern belle played by a far-from-young Rue McClanahan. As with Mona, Blanche was always portrayed flirting with hunky young studs. Not only was the way these young men were portrayed as pieces of meat offensive, but it was also really gross because they were boning old ladies! Yuck!
After a few years, I wasn’t able to turn on the TV without seeing some past-her-prime starlet stripping her kit off several years too late. And these characters are always written as rich and successful women, as if their status in society gives them the right to go after all the young men in the world, husbands be damned! So what’s the message being sent here by the networks? ”Sure, old ladies, you can be whores! You’re old and successful now, so you’ve earned it.” Well, I’m not buying it!
Rather than continue on this slow road to 24-7 granny porn on TV, I propose that we immediately cancel all the shows mentioned above and bring back the most morally pure and intellectually stimulating show that TV has ever known: CHiPs! If ever this world needed a hero with white capped teeth saving busty young ladies from criminals and traffic accidents, it’s right now! Come back, Erik Estrada! We never knew what we had until it was gone.
**Teacher’s comments**: Colin – Your thesis shows a stunning lack of understanding of the basic assignment at hand. First, you used no citations, your writing style was less than academic, and some of your diction was vulgar and far below the university standard. Second, the title of this course is English 432: Survey of Post-Colonial Literature, so I fail to see the connection between your chosen subject and the works of Salman Rushdie. Third, and most importantly, I don’t think you are even enrolled in this class. Grade: F-
