I usually shy away from political discussion in this blog, as is evidenced by my one other post, which clearly contains no political references whatsoever. You see my point. However, an announcement was made yesterday that has truly rocked the foundations of the political world, and I cannot withhold comment. At a press conference on the steps of the White House, President George W. Bush revealed in detail his plans for the future once his second term has ended. Beginning immediately on January 1, 2009, President Bush will embark on the Herculean task of resurrecting a once great entertainment medium, one that has had great influence on the performing arts of today, but has languished since the early 1930’s: vaudeville! Before a stunned White House Press Corps, the president expressed his great love and admiration for the famous traveling performers of the past. From his own sweet lips, the president uttered the following words:
“I have always had great respect and admirability for the work of Tony Pastor, B.F Keith, and E.F. Albee, who created the second most pure and imaginational form of entertainments our great nation has ever known. The prize for most imaginatative, of course, goes to Larry The Cable Guy. That fella sure can make me laugh! Whooooeeee!”
An uncomfortable Press Corps squirmed restlessly in their seats as President Bush spent the next forty five minutes regaling them with Larry The Cable Guy’s most beloved fart jokes and racial slurs. Once the president’s appetite for redneck toilet humor was adequately sated, he continued:
“But jokery was only a small part of the vaudevillian experience. Vaudeville encompasstrated so many of the finer performing arts, such as musicians (both classical and popular), dancers, comedians, trained animals, magic doers, female and male impersonationists, acrobats, one-act plays or scenes from plays, athletes, lecturing celebrities, minstrels, and short films. Along with these great acts, there was also the one thing that I have found to be my life’s calling, and the thing that inspired me to embarkate upon this great quest: dancing!”
Following this exclamation, several of the members of the press in the audience were almost awakened from their now deep slumber, but soon they settled back into their dreams. The president continued:
”Long have I dreamed of reviving the greatest dance ever known to man, the ol’ softshoe! Surely the joy brought forth from this dance will end the scourge of terrorism in our great nation. Using my great intellectualistic mind and my uncanny ability to dance a mighty jig, I will once again unleash upon the world the joys of vaudeville! I mean, hell, if Reagan can star in a movie with a dang monkey, why can’t I dance? Stay tuned for more, my friends. Until then I leave you with a small sample of my dancing prowess. Suck on that, Osama!”
My commentary: 2009 is gonna be a kickass year…
…for people who like vaudeville. I personally don’t care for it.
